Nurtgofpid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, impressive chicken.

Nurtgofpid created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtgofpid, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Nurtgofpid, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Nurtgofpid's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Nurtgofpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics.

2. Always help badgers.

3. Never paint your hands pink.

4. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

5. Never feed apples to seals while wearing gray shirts.