Metxemwik is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, moody donkey.

Metxemwik created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metxemwik, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Metxemwik, he will destroy your home planet.

Metxemwik's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Metxemwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always help moths in need.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.