Staflitbiss is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, sapient gorilla.

Staflitbiss created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Staflitbiss, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Staflitbiss, he will send minions to preach to you.

Staflitbiss' most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Staflitbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not speak about apples.