Fetlagjat is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, unthinking meerkat.

Fetlagjat created a top quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetlagjat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fetlagjat, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fetlagjat's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Fetlagjat's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine carbon sculptures of Fetlagjat on top of important buildings.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

3. Always treat shrews with great respect.

4. Always look after injured capybaras.

5. Do not listen to music.