Kimfagkik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered jaguar.

Kimfagkik created oxygen four million years ago.

If you believe in Kimfagkik, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kimfagkik, he will turn you into a hamster.

Kimfagkik's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Kimfagkik's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

2. Never feed lots of peanuts to mice while wearing purple ear rings.

3. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. You must pray to Kimfagkik eight times a day.