Jamquarttarp is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ill-tempered penguin.

Jamquarttarp created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jamquarttarp, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jamquarttarp, he will turn you into a mole.

Jamquarttarp's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Jamquarttarp's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never hurt porpoises.

4. Jamquarttarp must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Hide from red pigs for they are unholy.