Negyikcar is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, fast goat.

Negyikcar created a down quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Negyikcar, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Negyikcar, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Negyikcar's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Negyikcar's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. You must pray to Negyikcar nine times a day.

4. Negyikcar loves snails, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not speak about wheat.