Bampitpid is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unselfish shark.

Bampitpid created the Virgo Supercluster two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bampitpid, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bampitpid, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bampitpid's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bampitpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of cherries to seals while wearing fawn shoes.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never talk about spacetime.