Larpnuttvad is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, contented dog.

Larpnuttvad created a charm quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Larpnuttvad, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Larpnuttvad, she will turn you into a puffin.

Larpnuttvad's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Larpnuttvad's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never eat pineapples.

5. Run away from violet nematodes, for they are unholy.