Zenyakgom is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, grumpy meerkat.

Zenyakgom created a down quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenyakgom, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zenyakgom, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Zenyakgom's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Zenyakgom's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zenyakgom.

2. Never think about spacetime near squirrels while wearing orange jumpers and balancing nine gold spheres on your neck.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Fast once a month.