Gessraplad Kincebyim is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, fast slug.

Gessraplad Kincebyim created an up quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessraplad Kincebyim, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gessraplad Kincebyim, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gessraplad Kincebyim's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Gessraplad Kincebyim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill nematodes.

2. You must love Gessraplad Kincebyim.

3. Never eat apples.

4. Never think about chlorophyll.

5. Pray towards the north.