Jopstikmip is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, annoying zebra.

Jopstikmip created gold seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jopstikmip, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jopstikmip, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jopstikmip's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Jopstikmip's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum gravity.

2. Do not drink water in green rooms.

3. Never feed grapes to eagles while wearing stockings.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.