Yartfuncam is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, wise dog.

Yartfuncam created the Large Magellanic Cloud eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartfuncam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yartfuncam, it will strike you with lightening.

Yartfuncam's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Yartfuncam's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about bacteria.

2. Always treat voles with great respect.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Never mention snakes.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.