Bettabvab is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, self-confident pig.

Bettabvab created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bettabvab, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bettabvab, he will turn you into a snail.

Bettabvab's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bettabvab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Bettabvab in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Feed all hungry monkeys.