Jonartdun is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, thoughtless grasshopper.

Jonartdun created a bottom quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonartdun, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonartdun, he will destroy your home solar system.

Jonartdun's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Jonartdun's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bread to swans while wearing shoes.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Never write about special relativity.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Jonartdun must be the most important thing in your life.