Vonkyatmin is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, prudent slug.

Vonkyatmin created Africa four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkyatmin, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vonkyatmin, he will try to impress you with trees.

Vonkyatmin's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Vonkyatmin's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Vonkyatmin's priests.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not take Vonkyatmin's name in vain.

4. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

5. Never write about gravity.