Nurcim is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, confident porpoise.

Nurcim created the planet Saturn seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurcim, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nurcim, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Nurcim's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Nurcim's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never think about eukaryotes.

4. Always help voles in need.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nurcim.