Futkapnart is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, competent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Futkapnart created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Futkapnart, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Futkapnart, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Futkapnart's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Futkapnart's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about dark matter.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. You must never eat apples.