Banquagcim Nurlraw is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unfair bat.

Banquagcim Nurlraw created the Large Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Banquagcim Nurlraw, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Banquagcim Nurlraw, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Banquagcim Nurlraw's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Banquagcim Nurlraw's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never talk about optics near sharks while wearing brown boots and balancing seven iron spheres on your legs.

5. Never pour water over plants.