Garkaprip is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, benevolent faun.

Garkaprip created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Garkaprip, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Garkaprip, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Garkaprip's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Garkaprip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine foxes in a large pit.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never think about asteroids.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never feed lots of limes to tortoises while wearing fawn shorts.