Tikhonpon is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, selfish beaver.

Tikhonpon created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikhonpon, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tikhonpon, it will turn you into a worm.

Tikhonpon's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Tikhonpon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Tikhonpon loves mice, so they must be respected.