Kinvonkmad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, irritating whale.

Kinvonkmad created the Virgo Supercluster eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kinvonkmad, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Kinvonkmad, he will not care.

Kinvonkmad's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Kinvonkmad's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never eat parsnips.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Respect your elders.