Kikrapshav is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered crane.

Kikrapshav created a top quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikrapshav, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kikrapshav, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Kikrapshav's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Kikrapshav's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry shrews.

2. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always look after injured birds.

4. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

5. Kikrapshav loves gulls, so they must be honoured.