Danbastpig Guplabtin is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, bad-tempered turtle.

Danbastpig Guplabtin created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Danbastpig Guplabtin, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Danbastpig Guplabtin, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Danbastpig Guplabtin's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Danbastpig Guplabtin's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Danbastpig Guplabtin five times a day.

2. Never jump in the presence of frogs.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never write about spacetime.

5. Never talk about fire.