Ontcebzed is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, two-faced giraffe.

Ontcebzed created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontcebzed, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ontcebzed, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Ontcebzed's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Ontcebzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick manatees.

2. You must pray to Ontcebzed seven times a day.

3. Always treat grasshopers with great respect.

4. Do not speak about peas.

5. Never write about archaea.