Taildosscuss Somlinjat is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, slow bat.

Taildosscuss Somlinjat created parasitic wasps seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taildosscuss Somlinjat, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Taildosscuss Somlinjat, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Taildosscuss Somlinjat's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Taildosscuss Somlinjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near eagles while wearing orange jumpers and balancing five carbon spheres on your head.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Taildosscuss Somlinjat loves goats, so they must be honoured.

4. Retreat if three dolphins approach from the west.

5. Never talk about fire.