Jiploopkinmapdobbim is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, all-powerful jaguar.

Jiploopkinmapdobbim created a top quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jiploopkinmapdobbim, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jiploopkinmapdobbim, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jiploopkinmapdobbim's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Jiploopkinmapdobbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. You must love Jiploopkinmapdobbim.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always take life seriously.