Kimyoklist is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, tiresome walrus.

Kimyoklist created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimyoklist, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Kimyoklist, she will turn you into a goat.

Kimyoklist's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Kimyoklist's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near dogs while wearing gray hats and balancing three titanium spheres on your head.

2. Always help seals.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not chant in public.

5. Do not hurt grasshopers.