Lopxemhig is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, ill-tempered tortoise.

Lopxemhig created gold eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lopxemhig, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lopxemhig, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Lopxemhig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Lopxemhig's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never sing near cats.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near shrews while wearing mauve hats and balancing three gold spheres on your chest.