Tafquafyat is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, quiet octopus.

Tafquafyat created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafquafyat, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tafquafyat, she will remove you from existence.

Tafquafyat's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Tafquafyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near mites while wearing red shirts and balancing eight zinc spheres on your hands.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Never paint your chest white.

4. Run away if seven grasshopers approach from the north.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.