Kanstragmidfarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind goblin.

Kanstragmidfarn created Africa six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanstragmidfarn, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kanstragmidfarn, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Kanstragmidfarn's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Kanstragmidfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near mites while wearing turquoise hats and balancing six iron spheres on your face.

2. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.