Hugflatjad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental goose.

Hugflatjad created life two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hugflatjad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hugflatjad, she will turn you into a duck.

Hugflatjad's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Hugflatjad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Hugflatjad in the centre of the settlement.

2. Hugflatjad loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about cats.

4. Never talk about dark matter near monkeys while wearing red jumpers and balancing four copper spheres on your hands.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.