Hadlopmig is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, charitable goblin.

Hadlopmig created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadlopmig, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hadlopmig, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hadlopmig's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Hadlopmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never think ill of sick whales.

4. Retreat if five great tits approach from the south.

5. Never look at nebulae.