Somshavhen is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, generous wombat.

Somshavhen created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Somshavhen, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Somshavhen, it will not care at all.

Somshavhen's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Somshavhen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never feed aubergines to grasshopers while wearing purple skirts.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.