Ontcussgat is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, strong fairy.

Ontcussgat created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontcussgat, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ontcussgat, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Ontcussgat's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Ontcussgat's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ontcussgat.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Ontcussgat.

3. Never hurt ducks.

4. Ontcussgat loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

5. Always help snakes.