Femnarlnut is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, astonishing lobster.

Femnarlnut created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Femnarlnut, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Femnarlnut, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Femnarlnut's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Femnarlnut's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

5. Never talk about amino acids.