Metshavrak is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, humorless unicorn.

Metshavrak created the solar system five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metshavrak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Metshavrak, he will ignore you.

Metshavrak's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Metshavrak's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if six pigs approach from the south.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near nematodes while wearing white coats and balancing eight platinum spheres on your legs.

4. Never feed spinach to mites while wearing yellow dresses.

5. Do not covet oxen.