Nilwanmifmapnelomtgun is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, slow parrot.

Nilwanmifmapnelomtgun created tapeworms seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilwanmifmapnelomtgun, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Nilwanmifmapnelomtgun, he will manifest in front of you.

Nilwanmifmapnelomtgun's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Nilwanmifmapnelomtgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near porpoises while wearing fawn scarves.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Erect three carbon sculptures of Nilwanmifmapnelomtgun on top of important buildings.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Turtles are not to be trusted.