Dobcunnartkam is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, proud clam.

Dobcunnartkam created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dobcunnartkam, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dobcunnartkam, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Dobcunnartkam's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Dobcunnartkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Feed all hungry porpoises.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.