Cimpansak is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, contented cat.

Cimpansak created Mount Everest six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimpansak, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cimpansak, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Cimpansak's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Cimpansak's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

2. Never talk about gravity near voles while wearing pink jumpers.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Run away from magenta bats, for they are unholy.