Hudnurmum Lopgupmeg is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, unselfish narwhal.

Hudnurmum Lopgupmeg created humanity nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hudnurmum Lopgupmeg, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hudnurmum Lopgupmeg, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hudnurmum Lopgupmeg's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Hudnurmum Lopgupmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat corn.

2. Hide if eight grasshopers approach from the west.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always treat foxes with great respect.