Sitbifbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, witless aardvark.

Sitbifbarn created dark energy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sitbifbarn, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Sitbifbarn, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Sitbifbarn's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Sitbifbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

3. Always help porpoises in need.

4. Never feed wheat to hamsters while wearing corsets.

5. Never look in ponds.