Podfubtal is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, staggering snail.

Podfubtal created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Podfubtal, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Podfubtal, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Podfubtal's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Podfubtal's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat goats with great respect.

2. Do not speak about rice.

3. Podfubtal must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never hurt sheep.

5. Never think ill of sick snakes.