Fatmattom is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, selfish tapir.

Fatmattom created the Andromeda Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fatmattom, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fatmattom, it will turn you into a snail.

Fatmattom's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Fatmattom's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never write about enzymes.

3. Never write about spacetime.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.