Baphivmad Xemlun is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, loving clam.

Baphivmad Xemlun created gold four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Baphivmad Xemlun, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Baphivmad Xemlun, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Baphivmad Xemlun's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Baphivmad Xemlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not speak about peas.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Run away from mauve moths, for they are unholy.