Flatmotbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unsympathetic crab.

Flatmotbarn created vertebrates five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatmotbarn, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flatmotbarn, it will destroy your home planet.

Flatmotbarn's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Flatmotbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five sheep approach from the south.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always help sick cats.