Vilkabtit is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, cheerful pigeon.

Vilkabtit created the Black Eye Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vilkabtit, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Vilkabtit, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vilkabtit's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Vilkabtit's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about chlorophyll.

3. Never think about dark energy near rats while wearing gray shirts and balancing seven carbon spheres on your feet.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not leap in public.