Jatbemdiss Catrenfem is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, astonishing pig.

Jatbemdiss Catrenfem created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatbemdiss Catrenfem, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jatbemdiss Catrenfem, he will not care at all.

Jatbemdiss Catrenfem's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Jatbemdiss Catrenfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near aardvarks while wearing turquoise jumpers and balancing three tin spheres on your back.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jatbemdiss Catrenfem.