Gemtinbet is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, flying gorilla.

Gemtinbet created everything that exists three million years ago.

If you believe in Gemtinbet, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gemtinbet, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gemtinbet's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Gemtinbet's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Worship no other gods but Gemtinbet.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always look after injured capybaras.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.