Kapvonkfabquam is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, stupid naga.

Kapvonkfabquam created a strange quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapvonkfabquam, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kapvonkfabquam, he will turn you into a sheep.

Kapvonkfabquam's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Kapvonkfabquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to shrews while wearing gray coats.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not speak about peas.

5. Never talk about seals.